Written Monday Dec 10, 2019.
Non-Greediness, Non-Hoarding, Letting That Extra Shit Go.
This has been perhaps the biggest lesson for me over the last year, at least in this moment. Who knows, maybe it will last my whole life…
I’ve always had this feeling like, “Hey I don’t have anything,” no car, no house, not a lot of money, no kids, no nothing. I’m good on aparigraha, check! But naturally, that’s when it became real obvious, real fast that I must being holding on to something. Call me crazy, but instead of trying to figure out what that 1 or 2 or million things may be, I’ve instead made it a personal practice to let it all go. If I see something in front of me or have a thought in my mind, I am blessed with the ability to say, “Is this good?” “Is this necessary?” “Is this a waste of energy?”
Yoga is the life of efficiency, natural balance, union. When something mess with that flow and is not serving my soul, I now try to let it go, rather than hold on to it. When this gets particularly tricky is in relationships, usually with people. We get emotionally + physically attached to things, people, feelings, places, etc. Luckily we don’t have to let go of these, just our attachment to them, they will still exist regardless of physical/emotional connection to “us” “you” or “me”.
There’s this great yogic concept that basically says when you release these negative forces from control over your self, it gives that energy the ability to come back to you in a more useful form, it is like forgiveness. If the energy doesn’t recycle back in a positive way, it is forever released, the work is done.
For example, today’s things that were useful to me: fresh fruit, public transportation, the shower, being outdoors, seeing old friends… etc. Things that were less useful: leaving the house 10 minutes late, forgetting proper bus money, soaking wet yoga pants, dirty dishes… you get the idea. See how all the “less helpful” things are simply actions of my own doing?! Trust me, my last intention is to come 15 pesos short on my bus fare, but THIS SHIT JUST HAPPENS. And it happens every day, so I must, WE MUST, let it go. The moment we begin to define other things by our relationship to them rather than for what they are, is a dangerous, fragile moment.
“Sorry that you feel that way, the only thing there is to say
Every silver lining has a touch of grey.”