ME: Remembers I started saving blog posts on my google drive.
ALSO ME: Finds old blog post about nose tampons that I wrote one day when I was delirious from little to no sleep and frantically checks to see how I bypassed publishing it in the passed.
Finally, ME AGAIN: Publishes immediately. You're welcome.
What do you do when you feel like something is missing and you don’t know what it is? I write. Today I am thankful for my life. If I can start there maybe I’ll start to figure this out. I’m thankful for the sun and the sand. I’m also thankful for nose tampons (not a real thing as far as I know), the wadded up tissue I stick into one nostril when it is plugged and I can’t sleep. There is some beautiful satisfaction to waking up to a fully saturated nose tampon….
I am thankful for honesty. Even if I honestly don’t know what the hell I’m feeling, if I’m sad, I cry. Sometimes I don’t even know why, and sometimes I think I cry too much, but that’s not important. I’m thankful for the fresh juice and fruits. I am even thankful for resentment. This is a feeling I have been discovering and re-discovering; the things that really make me feel sticky, or stuck. We all know harboring resentment isn’t good, right? So I’ve taught myself to talk about it and experience it, and that usually makes someone mad, or sad, or scared, or guilty. But back to the honesty, still thankful for honesty.
Super thankful for chocolate. Especially the Lindt bar from the Swiss man that is sitting in our fridge right now. The sweet things in life come in many forms. Why are they so hard to see on certain days? This veil of struggle, resentment, emptiness, or whatever, is blinding at times. I’m thankful that it hasn’t run me underground, that I know it is just a veil. I am thankful for email. I can’t believe I just said that….. But I wrote an email to my mom this morning saying that I am thankful to see the light at the end of every tunnel. Or at least to have faith that the light exists when it’s invisible.
And if light exists, there is undoubtedly darkness in there as well. My nostrils are dark AF right now. I need a nap because I didn’t sleep well last night with all the congestion. The congestion makes the nap unappealing. Maybe that’s what missing, a nap!!!
To be continued…
For now this is one that I never continued. I wrote it months ago but it a) made me LOL and b) is a helpful lesson to share. Leaving you with a beautiful image of life in the Dominican Republic rather than one of nose tampons.
I love you. xo